When I feel down,
I think of you and the happy moments we had. It would be great if I got the chance to relive that year again. When I was that age, nothing could stop me. I would cry then pick myself up the next day. But now, sadly, now I'm not like that anymore. Weaker than the past me. I wish I can be like the old me. That girl who didn't care what life threw at her and took on every challenge that came by with gusto. Here I am typing this because I wish for many things to happen but my wishful thinking remains a fantasy. Every single day I look forward to interesting scenarios, funny dialogues, random acts and happy emotions. There is nothing better than laughing with people who care about you. That is what I have come to learn. Friends who I see everyday, boys who I used to be interested in, classmates with all kinds of actions. But along the way, I've lost my sense of identity. I want to be confident again. I want to feel beautiful inside and out. I want to live a happy life with laughter and fun jokes. I want to achieve my goals. I want to finish my studies and move back home. I want to look forward to tomorrow with hope and expectation without being let down. I want to strike off those to-dos. I want to learn how to play the guitar. I want to have my friends with me on my journey. I want to learn how to hunger for achievement like my classmate. I want to see my family everyday. I want to wake up in my bed and look out the window to see the morning sun. I want to read books I love. I want to write a children's book one day. I want to see the world. I want my parents to see the world because they have worked so hard all their lives. I want my parents to be happy. I want my brother to succeed. I want him to find his way in life with happiness and satisfaction.

Actually, all I want is to be home.

♥ 10:23 PM

Vulgarities at the tip of my tongue and fingertips

Waiting to last out

But I shall hold them in

Not because of you

But because of my own egoistical nature

♥ 11:02 PM

 

 

I'll just stare at that photo


And wake myself up.

♥ 12:19 AM

We held hands
You let go
I held on
You said no

I moved on
You said go
I had fun
You had fun

I met friends
You met her
I got lost
You went ahead

I'm still here
You're already gone
I still wait
I had hope

You made plans
I went along
We were friends
Nothing was wrong

But I wish
We were more
More than this
I'm still sore

Things have changed
Nothing's the same
I have evolved
So have you

The best of all
I've stood up
From the fall
And grew up

You look happier
Holding hands
Not with me
But with her

And I'm happy for you :) 

♥ 2:08 AM

Right...after what seems like a thousand years of not posting anything..

Updates; not that anyone is following anyway; but yeah UPDATES!

1. I have attained closure. Thank you Facebook for locating that photo right at the top of my Newsfeed.
2. My last ever finals for my degree programme is coming in a month.
3. No, I'm not going to work yet. To be enrolled in another professional programme.
4. Yes, I have caught up with last year's Korean dramas and I sort of regret not watching them when they aired because it is impossible to look for the soundtracks anymore. They've all been deleted/banned.
5. Yes, I'm still that procrastinator albeit getting slightly more vulgar with age.
6. Yes, still hooked onto Kpop although I was momentarily into BritPop...still kinda am.
7. No, my bias list has not changed. Xiah Kim Junsu is still #1. Minor shuffles within the SuJu bias list. Major change in B2ST...they don't rank anymore.
8. I have not eaten ice-cream or chocolate continuously for a month now.
9. Lost 2kgs by cutting down my meal portions and doing yoga.
10. Yes, YOGA. Traditional yoga where I can actually feel my fats burning. 

 I have no idea what I'm thinking right now thus the spewing of nonsense. My drive has been kinda low lately...everything seems a bit lackluster. My spelling has also gotten a lot worse. I can't trust my own spelling anymore to confidently diss those little crooked red lines under my 'misspelled' words. My typing has gotten a lot worse too. Maybe it's a hand-eye coordination thing.


Been listening to quite a lot of One Direction's songs lately. Little Things was a pretty good release. Still on track with their What Makes You Beautiful frequency. Most girls would think it's an AWESOME release. Well, anyone would love for someone they care for in return to accept all their flaws and call them beautiful despite everything else. And the music video makes the fangirls (me included) feed on this nuance. Five good looking guys with amazing eyes looking straight into the camera as if they're staring right into your soul and telling you that those little things about you matter to them and they love you for it. Whatever cartilage that's holding my knee caps together with the rest of my bones melted like wax on a candle. There's this factor of disappointment that I have with this song though. The boys haven't maintained their musical voice in the song where they have sort of imitated Ed Sheeran's style of singing. That's what they sound like to my ears. Either that or that's how they're evolved in terms of their style.


Speaking of Ed Sheeran, thanks to my new found friend...not really new...but whatever, I've discovered his music. And I have to say...he makes music not so shallow again. I mean, here's a guy who writes songs about young female drug addicts who subject themselves to prostitution so that they can earn some quick cash for more drugs. Not so shallow anymore eh? I think it's better than songs who ask you to meet some hot girl in the club or for a girl to 'get down' in a club. By all means, clubbing is legit but I don't think people need that extra musical push to get into the clubbing scene. Why doesn't anyone start singing about the stars in the sky or how the sun makes you feel? Maybe those concepts weren't that good for songs but you get my drift.


I guess this is all I should say for this time around. It's Sunday and my brain isn't entirely in sync right now.

♥ 3:53 PM