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...heart beat...
it's me.

Your photo here.

HELLOO!! I'm Amanda~
Born on 23rd Feb.

strike out.

I want happiness
I want to see the world

Happy People

  • Janice -Octopie/Rude Ass-
  • Jo Rene -Mrs Ryeo Wook-
  • Wyn Nie -Lui Bin-
  • Alvina
  • [Amicizia]
  • Andrea
  • Dennis
  • Emily
  • Gwei Theen
  • Hur Beng
  • Janice
  • Jeremy
  • Kar Hoong
  • Pei Shan
  • Rachel
  • Roshini
  • Sannie
  • Sean
  • Shin Hui
  • Siew Ming
  • Sok Hiong
  • Su Ann
  • Sunny
  • Sue Teng
  • Swetha
  • Szen
  • Wann Wei
  • Yoong Sze

  • my days

    November 2008
    December 2008
    January 2009
    February 2009
    March 2009
    April 2009
    May 2009
    June 2009
    July 2009
    August 2009
    September 2009
    October 2009
    November 2009
    December 2009
    January 2010
    February 2010
    March 2010
    April 2010
    May 2010
    June 2010
    July 2010
    August 2010
    September 2010
    October 2010
    November 2010
    December 2010
    January 2011
    February 2011
    March 2011
    April 2011
    May 2011
    June 2011
    July 2011
    August 2011
    September 2011
    October 2011
    November 2011
    December 2011
    February 2012
    April 2012
    May 2012
    November 2012
    December 2012
    January 2013
    February 2013
    March 2013
    July 2013

    thank you.

    Layout: Kary-yan/Missyan.
    Hosts: x o x

    Wednesday, July 3, 2013

    If I could
    I just want to curl up in the corner
    And just feel backed up

    Something solid
    Something tangible
    Just that feeling of security
    That feeling of support

    If I could
    I just want to wrap myself in my warm blanket
    And just feel safe

    Something warm
    Something soft
    Just that feeling of being hugged
    That feeling of love

    If I could
    I just want to cry
    And just feel relieved

    Something bright
    Something possible
    Just that feeling of having a great day ahead
    That feeling of hope

    If I could
    I just want to scream
    And just feel unpredictable

    Something unchained
    Something unlimited
    Just that feeling of the wind caressing my face
    That feeling of freedom

    If I Could I Just Want An Escape. I Have No Where To Go. I Have To Remain. Boundaries. 

    11:23 PM

    Saturday, March 16, 2013

    Everywhere I go, I seem to be bumping into a same person
    The timing and coincidence is uncanny
    Extremely uncanny

    It's beginning to make me think it's fate?

    Then again, in my world
    Fate doesn't go all the way
    It just makes me vulnerable and weak

    So I'll just be as I am

    Even though I feel lonely and jealous of others sometimes
    I get by
    Yes I do

    Even though I think of what could be sometimes
    I get by
    The feeling passes

    So I'll just be as I am

    10:54 PM

    Saturday, March 9, 2013

    Another tweet that hits the soft spot

    "The best actors are the ones that act like they are fine going around smiling and laughing even though they are dying on the inside."

    Yes, I do die inside. Every day. 

    2:15 AM

    So I tweeting ever more often now since there's no qualms about over-flooding a few hundred people's newsfeeds every single minute.

    I saw this random tweet that just gave me this pang of sorrow all of a sudden.

    "The scariest thing about distance is you don't know whether they'll miss you or forget about you"

    I think of several people who have entered and exited my life for various reasons. Most of them had opted out because we had our differences. Differences that could not be compromised or forgiven. Sometimes I remember the good things we had going on and wonder how would it be if it hadn't turn out this way. There's always that 'what if' and 'could have', you know? 

    People might say "You could've stopped them from leaving" but I hadn't the guts and I have this stubborn ego of mine. I always have this reasoning: "If they want to leave, they would. Whatever I do, it won't change their mind. And if it did, they weren't set on leaving in the first place."

    Then again, I am wrong.

    "If they were planning on leaving, and I didn't stop them, they'd think that I am allowing them to leave. That I didn't value our relationship enough to stop them from leaving."

    I think it's a chicken-first-or-egg-first issue here.

    Ah well, life goes on.

    2:12 AM

    Sunday, March 3, 2013

    Woke up in the morning feeling all crappy. Walked to the sink with my pink toothbrush all dolled up with toothpaste. Next thing I know, I'm spitting bloody phlegm.

    Two words defined the beginning of March 2013.


    Yeah it sucks. My body temperature fluctuated like the Sahara desert. Hot as hell, cold as the bitterest winter.

    Forked out more than half of my week's allowance for a jab on the butt and some pills and cough syrup that turned me into a totally dependent user.


    I mean, like, 10 more minutes to the next dosage, I'm already feeling the pain oozing back into my back, the headache getting stronger and stronger by the second, the throat starts itching again and my vision starts to blur.

    Wonder what I'd do if it weren't for the medicine...especially the painkillers.

    Anywho, I was supposed to start studying for my second Progress Test the past weekend but my plans were foiled. All I did was guzzle water, take the medications, and SLEEEEEEP.

    Although I have to admit, the sleep was very much welcomed.

    Hopefully I will recover by this Tuesday so that I can sit through the P2 lecture with the brightest and spongey-est brain.


    9:56 PM

    Sunday, February 24, 2013

    Do you think of me when I think of you?
    Does a little something remind you of those times?
    Would you choose the past over the present?
    Would a different choice change the outcome?
    Or was it an eventual result?

    What if the timing matched better?
    What if the distance wasn't so great?
    What if fate lent a hand?
    What if destiny proved it true?

    So many questions running in my mind
    The choices I've made
    The regrets I have
    The sorrow and heartbreak I've felt
    The anger that was fast forgotten
    The disappointment that still lingers
    The loneliness that shadows my laughter
    The happiness that seems shortlived
    The unimportant, selfish purpose I live by

    Every year I tell myself that I'll forget because something better will come my way

    But this year, I finally realized, it is already embedded in my heart, thoughts and soul.
    So I'll try to embrace it and to continue life without any pangs of regret anymore.

    Let's no longer dwell in the past now, alright?
    The times have changed, people have changed,
    So I shouldn't be so static to change anymore.

    I'll bury this deep inside. I'll be better. I'll give someone else a chance. I'll stop going back again and again. I'll stop this stupid loyalty. I'll control my heart. I'll grow up. I'll forget.

    I hope.

    12:38 AM

    Tuesday, February 5, 2013

    A quote from Harry Potter I chanced upon

    “Dumbledore watched her fly away, and as her silvery glow faded he turned back to Snape, and his eyes were full of tears.
    "After all this time?"
    "Always," said Snape.”
    ― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows 

    I can relate to Snape.

    8:27 PM